4. Being Real, With Wisdom
14-16 Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let’s not let it slip through our fingers. We don’t have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He’s been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let’s walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.
Today Rochelle helped us reflect on Being Real, one of the values we have been exploring together. Through Adam and Eve hiding in the garden, Jesus meeting the Samaritan woman truthfully and graciously, and Peter facing the pain of his denial, we considered what happens when shame causes us to hide, and what becomes possible when truth is met with grace. Everyone’s reflections were profoundly challenging and encouraging for me personally.
We were reminded that authentic Christian community cannot be built on pretending. We need places where we can speak honestly about life, faith, struggle and failure, and discover that we are still welcomed and loved. Being real is not about sharing everything with everyone. It is about becoming a community where people do not have to wear ‘spiritual fig leaves’ to belong.
Who is safe to share with?
Towards the end of our service, I invited us to think about another part of discipleship. As we grow in Christ, we should increasingly become people who can be trusted with the vulnerability of others.
That is important because being open requires wisdom as well as courage.
Scripture encourages us to carry one another’s burdens, confess our struggles, pray for one another and speak truth in love. But Scripture also values discretion. Proverbs tells us that while gossip reveals secrets, “one who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a confidence” (Proverbs 11:13).
So how do we know whom we can trust with the more vulnerable parts of our lives? Perhaps we begin by looking at character. Here are some questions we can ask ourselves.
Does this person listen, or are they simply waiting for their opportunity to speak?
When somebody shares something personal, do they treat it carefully, or does it later become conversation elsewhere?
Do they respond to human weakness with grace and mercy, or with judgement?
Can they speak truth lovingly when something needs to be challenged, rather than either condemning us or simply telling us whatever we want to hear?
Do they draw attention to themselves and everything they have done for others, or can they serve quietly without needing recognition?
Most of us understand some of this instinctively. We sense when somebody is safe. Trust grows through consistent character over time. This matters deeply for the kind of church we are becoming.
In Baptist life, church is more than attending a service together. We are a gathered community of disciples who have chosen to walk with Christ and with one another. That shared life requires trust. We need people with whom we can pray, wrestle with Scripture, admit when life is difficult, receive encouragement and sometimes hear a loving challenge.
But being a community where people can be real does not mean everyone needs to know everything.
Wisdom asks us to share appropriately!
There may be things we can share openly with many people. There may be things best shared with a trusted friend, someone mature in faith, or someone with appropriate pastoral responsibility such as a Church Leader.
Christian openness is not the absence of boundaries. Healthy boundaries can actually make deeper relationships possible. And there is another side to this. We should not only ask, “Who can I trust?” We should also ask, “Am I becoming someone others can trust?” Here are some further questions to reflect on:
Can someone tell me something difficult without wondering where the story will travel next?
Can I hear another person’s weakness without using it to feel better about myself?
Can I offer grace without avoiding truth?
Can I listen without immediately trying to fix everything?
This is part of how Christ forms his church. We become people capable of carrying one another’s burdens with gentleness.
None of us will get this right all the time. We are learning together.
When it feels beyond you
If somebody shares something with you that feels beyond what you can safely carry, or you feel unsure or under pressure, you do not need to handle it alone. You can seek appropriate pastoral counsel from a Church Leader. If there is a safeguarding concern, speak with one of our find more information - HERE Protecting someone may sometimes mean seeking the right help rather than trying to keep something entirely to yourself.
We want NPR to become a place where honesty is met with grace, truth is spoken with love, confidences are treated with care, and nobody feels they must carry life alone.That kind of community is not built overnight. It is built every time we choose to listen carefully, speak wisely, keep confidence, extend grace and help one another towards wholeness.
Questions for reflection
Who are the people with whom I can be honest, and what is it about their character that makes them trustworthy?
Am I becoming the kind of person with whom somebody else could safely be real?
One practice this week
Think of one relationship in which you would like greater honesty and trust. Take one small step towards deeper connection, perhaps by making time to listen, sharing something appropriately, or simply asking, “How are you, really?”
